Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
