I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
