the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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