I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
