Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
