so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
where are my eyebrows?
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