Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
