my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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