Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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