I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
