if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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