Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
