Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
