This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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