I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
