i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
