i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
