I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
