You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
