You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
