Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
