so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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