having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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