Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
