batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
