Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
