Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
