I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I enjoy the company of your penis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
