We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I will be naked everywhere
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
