worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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