tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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