Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
