I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
