I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
