guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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