In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
