if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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