I got chris browned last night
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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