im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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