I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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