Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
