My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
