Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
