I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
