oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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