he wants to bone in the snuggie
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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