I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
