the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
