I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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