why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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