btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
two words...techno handjob
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
