So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
