You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
