Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
