Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
